Life is cruel. The new year has nothing new about it. I haven’t changed. Neither has my rotten luck. Good, blame everything on destiny. Very convenient, moron. Foo fighters is an amazing band. I don’t want to leave college. I miss home terribly. I wish I could give didi a hug this very moment. I want to scream, real loud, really really loud. Pull my hair, break a glass. I have an uncanny love for family dramas. It makes me uncomfortable when I think about it. ‘Ordinary People’ was a great movie. I need Dad’s counsel. I have been falsely content for too long. Four years in college. Made great friends, had fun my way. Changed my self quite a bit. But I atrophied. Wish I could reclaim things. Bloody hindsight. I feel useless, have been made to feel useless. I am the not-to-go-to guy. The airhead. I need a cue, Now. Deep down, so many things hurt. Is it all unjust or am I plain undeserving? Leave it all behind. Run away, but where? Hatred comes back when you least expect it. It is overpowering. Distorts everything, colors every detail with a heavy shade of black. Yuck, hate it when I hate someone. Hatred is self-indulgence. I am twenty-one. Where is my focus? Intelligent people can solve their own problems. Intelligence. Wish I could have some of it. Perseverance counts for far more. Work hard and things fall in place. My hobson’s choice. I have started liking Indie rock. All of Kimya Dawson’s songs feel the same though. SouthPark isn’t sick, naysayers. Isn’t Butters endearing? I want to let go but I don’t see the point. Made my mind. Quit hiding. I stopped making my folks proud. I doubt they will ever get the chance . I have no answers to give. I will enjoy a full head of hair, while it lasts. Sleep wont come easily tonight. I don’t deserve rest and peace. Exterminate the comfort zone. Deadpan expressions. Cameras make me uneasy. I know only one dance step. Dancing is a pain. Yes, Dave Grohl. It is at times like these that you learn to live again. Teach me!
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April 28, 2008 at 7:49 am
[...] Rahul is about to graduate. And his mind is on auto-pilot: I don’t want to leave college. I miss home terribly. I wish I could give didi a hug this very moment. I want to scream, real loud, really really loud. Pull my hair, break a glass. I have an uncanny love for family dramas. It makes me uncomfortable when I think about it. ‘Ordinary People’ was a great movie. I need Dad’s counsel. [...]